This is probably the first time in my life that I have actually been single in the full sense of the word. It's definitely the first time in fifteen years... what do I do with myself?
Yes, I came dangerously close to jumping right into another serious relationship but was saved by his good sense to tell me we need to wait... six months later I am grateful for that insight.
In the mean time I have jumped into bed with a few people I really should not have, including my ex-husband. Fine opportunities to learn self forgiveness. I find the more I beat myself up with guilt more likely I am to repeat the patterns, so when I make a mistake I'm training myself to suck it up and begin a new day.
Meanwhile, after having little to no sex drive over the past fifteen years, my hormones are now at full throttle... which can be quite a dangerous situation. Do you have any idea how hard it is to think clearly with no blood in the prefrontal cortex? I recently came dangerously close to making a big and horrible mistake but thank goodness we came to our senses at the last moment.
Now I'm looking for safe outlets I suppose. It is a bit miserable being as sexually frustrated as I am right now (when masturbation doesn't even really help.) I've also heard the 'your a woman, you can get laid anytime you want" line. True, but that would entail putting myself in some dangerous situations and I'm tired of the drama... so I sit here in my slutty glory trying to figure out ways to release and focus on other things.
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