I'm still trying to get used to this blogging thing. I've journalled in notebooks for years but I feel that I will be more apt to use a blog on a more regular basis. The drawback I'm finding is that I feel I'm still censoring myself a bit... it's kind of scary being out there on the internet for anyone to see. I ask myself, am I really anonymous or does someone know who this is?
In fact, I have to wonder if my Monday blues have to do with starting this new venture. I am feeling better now and thankfully those 'down' days don't happen nearly as often as they used to (thanks for modern pharmaceuticals and a great therapist.)
So... what I am trying to figure out? What is it that I really want. Not what he or she wants, but me.
Do I want to continue living where I do?
I love my job, but I don't care for my location much.
Am I ready to 'settle down' with a significant other(s)?
I am deeply in love with a man out of state, but I'm not ready to settle down yet. I think what I'm really looking for right now is a couple that will adore me, play with me and have fun in all senses together without tension. I want them to love each other more than me, so that when I move along our friendship can stay intact (and so the ugly head of jealousy does show up.) Perhaps I just want it all.
Yes, I sometimes drink too much and make bad decisions but then I awake to a new day and do my damnedest to say "I still love you... you are perfectly imperfect."
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